Broken Hearts
by PowerSchlumpfi
Summary: Episode Tag for "The Girl in the Fireplace" - The Doctor seemed heartbroken. His usual spirit hadn't been there for days and neither had Rose's. He was just hanging around in the console room or the library, looking sad, reading that bloody letter over and over again. Rose was avoiding him as much as she could. He'd chosen that woman over her without even thinking about it.


**A/N: I just rewatched "The Girl in the Fireplace" and felt the need to write something. I don't know. That episode just makes me wanna scream everytime. It doesn't seem right to me that the Doctor left Rose, Mickey and his TARDIS behind just like that. He behaved like an asshole of sort and I always feel so bad for Rose during that ep. Anyway, here's my take on the aftermath of TGITF. **

**I didn't have a beta and English is not my native language, so please be kind. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, obviously.**

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The Doctor seemed heartbroken. His usual spirit hadn't been there for days and neither had Rose's. He was just hanging around in the console room or the library, looking sad, reading that bloody letter over and over again.

Rose was avoiding him as much as she could. She couldn't bear the look on his face, how he was mourning that woman he'd barely known. Bloody Madame de Pompadour. Had he been in love with her? How could he? What was so special about her that she was worth leaving her and Mickey behind on that bloody spaceship? It was dumb luck that he'd found a way back, nothing more. He'd been pretty sure that there wasn't a way back, yet he'd left them. _Her_. How could he do that to her? After all they'd been through together, Rose had thought that she was special to him. That maybe… maybe he felt more for her than his previous companions. That he loved her like she loved him. Their last trip had shown her that he obviously didn't. He'd chosen that woman over her without even thinking about it.

Lying there, in her bed in the TARDIS, staring at the ceiling, it occurred to her that maybe her life with him was an illusion. Maybe she was just another small human in is very, very long Time Lord life that kept him company, so he didn't have to feel even more lonely than he already did. Fun while it lasts, but insignificant in the end.

"_Some things are worth getting your heart broken for." _Rose could still hear Sarah Jane's voice in her head. One day, she would end up like her. Dumped back on earth like a stupid piece of junk. Still, she couldn't help agreeing with her. Travelling through time and space with this mad, stupid, wonderful man, seeing things most humans never got to see – it was worth her broken heart. She loved him, her Doctor, oh she loved him so much. But for the moment, she was too upset to forgive him, too mad at him for leaving her behind.

They didn't talk. Rose spent the days exploring the TARDIS with Mickey and he stayed depressed – until one day, about a week after the incident on the spaceship, the TARDIS gave him a soft, mental nudge, bringing him back to reality. She led him out of the library and to Rose's room. _Rose. _He only then realized that he hadn't seen her in days and that she'd probably been avoiding him. He knew her. And he knew that, normally, she would've kept asking him if he was okay. But she hadn't. He knocked softly on her door, but she didn't answer.

"Rose?" he asked quietly through the door.

"Oh, did you finally remember that I'm still existing?" she asked back, not even bothering to stand up from her bed.

Her snappish tone stung, but he knew she had every right to be snappy.

"I'm sorry." he said "Look, I was thinking, maybe we could visit earth in the 1960s, going to a Beatles concert? What do you think?"

He heard her duvet rustling and something falling down with a bang, as if she was suddenly jumping up and he smiled. Always eager to explore time and space, his Rose.

Seconds later, she opened the door vigorously, her cheeks flushed and her eyes narrowed. She looked furious.

"You really think you can just say you're sorry and go back to normal as if nothing happened after _a week _of hiding away and pouting over some stupid, French woman that you've only known for a few hours? After you left me and Micky behind on a spaceship in the 51st century, without knowing if you'd find a way back, just for that bloody slag?"

The Doctor stared at her, baffled by her outburst and choice of words. He blinked, unable to move or speak for a few moments.

"Blimey, Rose Tyler, that is some nasty vocabulary." he said then, voice throaty.

"You're unbelievable." She crossed her arms in front of her chest, glaring at him.

"I… I don't know what to say. Except that I'm sorry. I really am sorry, Rose." She knew he meant it, but it wasn't enough. This time he'd screwed up big time.

"Do I matter to you at all? Or am I just a convenience for you?" she asked after a few moments of silence, her throat tight and her eyes burning.

"W…What? Why would you think… of course you matter to me!" he stepped closer and tried to touch her upper arms, but she flinched.

"Well, it didn't look like it when you disappeared through that portal. You left me. Willingly."

She was right. And he had no idea how to apologize for that. He hadn't been thinking, he… he'd been blinded by what he'd felt for Reinette and by the knowledge she'd had of him. What she'd seen in his head. His childhood. But it wasn't an excuse. Especially not for putting her before Rose Tyler. Before his saviour.

He didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry." he said again, but she shook her head.

"It's not enough. What were we supposed to do? Did you think for even one second about Mickey and me? You deserted us! We'd have been trapped on that spaceship!"

"The TARDIS would have brought you home after 48 hours…"

"OH! Well, then! Everything's fine then! You live your domestic life with that woman and I get dumped back at the Powell Estate."

Rose was yelling now, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Rose…" The Doctor tried to touch her again, but she stepped back.

"You know what? I wanna go home. _Now_."

He flinched at her words, a devastated look on his face.

"You mean… for good?" his voice was quiet and husky.

"I don't know." Rose shook her head. "For now I just wanna see my Mum."

"O…Okay." He turned to go, but her voice held him back.

"Do you love her?"

"What?"

"Do you love her? Did you… do something with her?" Rose had a hard time bringing the words out, but she needed to know for sure.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow, his sad brown eyes fixed on hers. "Do something?"

"I don't know… did you kiss her?"

He swallowed then, remembering how Reinette had snogged him when she'd been pretty young. She'd snogged him again after that, a few times, when he'd been partying with her in Versailles. And he'd enjoyed it.

He didn't even have to answer, Rose saw right through him. His look spoke volumes.

"Of course you did." Her face fell and he suddenly realized that there was more behind her anger. She was hurt – but not simply because he'd abandoned her. It was jealously. Pain, because Reinette wasn't _her_. The fact that he'd left her for her only made it worse.

He stepped forward and laid his hands on both sides of her face, his fingertips touching her temples.

"Oh, Rose Tyler. Let me show you something."

Seconds later, pictures were racing through her brain, connected with feelings: a lonely little boy, a grumpy old man, who wanted to safe the world, different faces, a war, more loneliness, grief and finally, her. Two fast beating hearts, warmth, affection.

When she looked up to him, he had tears in his eyes. And so did she. She reached up to touch his face with her fingertips. "Oh, Doctor. My Doctor."

He'd shown her parts of his past, his childhood, his feelings. Willingly. He never did that. He rarely opened up at all and never like that. She knew him better now. So much better.

She stood up on her tiptoes and leaned forward, pressing a soft, gentle kiss against his lips. She wanted to pull back again after a few seconds, but he held her close, kissing her back tentatively, lovingly, one hand buried in her hair at the back of her head.

They broke apart a few, long moments later, but stayed close, breathing heavily. Rose looked up to him, her cheeks flushed and her lips rosy and slightly swollen. He smiled at her and she smiled back, reassured and a bit lightheaded. Maybe he did love Madame de Pompadour in a way, but he loved her too, in their very special own way. He'd allowed her a look inside his mind, his memories, his feelings. He'd shown her that she really was special to him and that he needed her as much as she needed him.

"I'm sorry, Rose." he whispered and she could feel his warm breath on her lips. "I didn't think. That happens, sometimes. I do crazy things if no one's watching. That is why I need you."

She didn't know if he meant leaving her or kissing her, but it didn't matter, really. There was this one bit of his memories that she'd seen, where he was in 18th century France, staring out of the window, imagining her face and wondering how he was supposed to survive over 3000 years without her. Sometimes he did stupid things. But one thing never changed: She mattered to him. More than she could imagine.

She hugged him then, tightly, and he held her close, as close as he could without crushing her. And suddenly, everything was okay again. Sarah Jane was so right: Some things were definitely worth getting your heart broken for.


End file.
